Amazing isn’t a strong enough word!

So yesterday I mentioned that I had found a lost grocery store gift card. Today I planned out a grocery list and found somewhere for my kids to be while I shopped. Now, I’m not one to pawn my kids off on people, though I’ve been tempted to more often lately, but it is so much easier to shop without them. It isn’t as if they are little terrors, it’s just that I can’t concentrate. I’m armed with my list, grocery bags, calculator, and my friend Cecelia. Now mind you, I usually start shopping in the produce section, moving onto the bulk, then chilled, and end with the few shelved items we get. This time I did it just the opposite so that as I was adding up I had all my known expenses tallied before moving onto the bulk and produce. We filled our bags carefully weighing and calculating each thing. I kept meticulous notes. My cart was getting full. Cecelia was doubting whether it was going to stay under $100. My final tally on paper was $100.46. OK. Well, I was concerned because I thought that perhaps I didn’t estimate very well and that perhaps it was more over than a few cents. So I prayed. I prayed that the Lord wouldn’t let it go over $100. We’re in the checkout line and I have a nervous fidget to me. I tell the cashier that I have this gift card and I don’t want to go over. Oh, I had 7 of my own bags to use so that gave me a .42 credit. Now she’s down to the very last item. The total is so close, then she scans in my celery and what pops up on the screen in big green numbers? 100.00! Can you believe it? It was right on the dot! I’m blogging, journaling, and scrapbooking this event. He answered my prayer beyond my expectation. I’m hoping all the beans and rice will last quite nicely for us, but even if it doesn’t I’m confident that He will provide.

p.s. I am so thankful that WordPress automatically saves as I’m writing. Somehow I lost this post last night, but found it today when I logged in.

I’m still here…in case you wondered

There is so much to share with you. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll just babble on like I usually do, I guess.

My last post was about snow. It wasn’t a good picture of what was really going on here in wonderland, but I hope to expound on that later with pictures after I get them all uploaded. I was pretty much housebound for 2 weeks. Part of that is my fault since I wasn’t prepared. If I would have had chains I could have gone out to buy rabbit and human food. If I would have had boots I would have played outside more and went on more walks. I didn’t expect the snow to last so long so I didn’t bother trying to get out on the first day. However, we have great friends who were always willing to drop of potatoes and toilet paper as needed. The kids had fun and I missed some great pictures due to lack of boots. They were all playing way out in the field and I just couldn’t bring myself to trek out there and come back soggy. Hmm, maybe that’s what separates the good photographers from the GREAT ones. Mental note: search thrift stores for good winter boots even if it’s 100° outside at that moment. Oh, the snow in my backyard got to be between 12-14 inches. They were layers of ice and snow. Kind of painful to walk in. Ask me how I know. Then remind me that boots would remedy that.

Christmas was the best I ever had. Really. I’m not putting you on. In the morning the children were arguing and I was in my room thinking about how my kids aren’t supposed to be fighting and how this isn’t what a family is supposed to look like. Then I started thinking about our previous Christmas celebrations and realized that this season was, by FAR, the most peaceful we’ve ever had. There was joy. There was fun. We were celebrating. I really do have so much to be thankful for. Christmas eve we had a nice dinner. We all dressed up, the girls and I curled our hair. We lit candles and drank water from wine glasses. There wasn’t much to our meal, but we laughed. A couple of friends dropped by and joined us. On Christmas morning my van battery was dead so I had to be rescued. After getting on the road I drove across town to spend the day with friends. We had brunch and dinner with them. Fun was had by all. Even though we were cooking for 14 people it didn’t seem like much work.

That evening Christopher told me that he likes our life now because we are happier and can have friends over and go to friends’ houses more.

Another blessing! Some ladies from church wanted to buy my kids Christmas gifts. My kids were thrilled. I was relieved. My kids were surprised that others would want to do that. I am so proud of Sage. He had a fewer amount of gifts, but he was so full of joy when watching the others open their gifts. His eye’s sparkled. Literally. I’ve never seen such thing before. Sage, my passionate one. Let me tell you how sweet he is. First of all, go back and read about his gift to Levi. Sage had a few gifts under the tree that he had wrapped up for his sibling and me. He gave me a comic book style story of Scarlett Pimpernel, a small container of bright green play-doh, and some sparkly golden silly putty in a play-doh container. He wrapped them in normal paper with double side tape, but he used the tape as you would normal tape.

When the gifts were delivered they also came with a turkey, potatoes, and various other goodies. My guests, kids, and I are thankful. Oh, I also received a $100 gift card to WinCo. That is a gigantic blessing. We’re almost out of popcorn and brewer’s yeast!

When I looked in my little church mailbox yesterday I found a gift certificate for a hair salon. A couple months back I received a gift card to Urban Bliss. It’s a spa/salon place. Is somebody trying to tell me something about my hair or nails. I haven’t ever had a pedicure or manicure. Maybe now is the time, eh?

I lost 2 lbs. over Christmas week. I just baked brownies so that first sentence may not really matter by tomorrow morning.

Well, I’m thinking it’s a good idea to start school next week. Like really start school. I sort of did school once in a while with the kids, but the fact is that after this whole my-husband-is-living-with-another-woman fiasco it’s pretty hard to pick yourself off the floor….or drag yourself out of bed, as was the case with me. I thought I was okay. Okay meant getting out of bed, taking a shower, and going back to bed. I yell more than I used to. How else will you get them to listen when you’re stuck on your bed? I’m not sayin’ I’m proud of this, okay? (Remember, we are all happier now, despite the increase in yelling.) I let behaviours slide because I just couldn’t deal with anything. (My behaviours as well as the kids.) We’re all feeling the repercussions of this now, but guess what? I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel like I neglected my motherly duty…much. I felt guilty while it was happening, but not now. I really couldn’t function. You don’t know what it’s like to have the rug pulled out of under you until it happens. I sincerely hope that none of my readers will ever experience such pain. I don’t feel guilty because it has been 6 1/2 months and I am out of bed. My house is clean. (Well, the mirror in the kids bathroom is atrocious, but they’re learning to clean mirrors.) My kids are fed. Hey, even ALL my laundry is done at the moment. My bed is made. (My desk is messy, but getting better.) I have finally faced my financial situation and put in a spreadsheet. It ain’t pretty, but I’m not panicking.

Here’s why I’m not panicking. The God that loves me has named every star. Did you get that? EVERY star. Do you know how many that is. He must be so creative to come up with so many names. I’m pretty sure He didn’t name them M51 or some such thing. He holds the constellations in His hand. God can provide it all. He can also choose not to. I’m not deceived into thinking that because I love Jesus that everything will be peachy. I know there are jobless, homeless, hungry lovers of Jesus out there. I’m just thinking that perhaps I don’t need to hold on to these things so tightly. Maybe I need to lay down some of my pride and seek help in ways I didn’t think I ever would. (Okay, I really should lay down ALL my pride.) Perhaps I’m really going to have to learn how to work hard, be diligent, and face the fears that come my way in order to make it. I know it looks impossible for me to stay home to homeschool and mother my children and provide for them, but it isn’t. (I don’t have a solution right now, but I do know that nothing is impossible with God and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.) I don’t always feel so confident, but I’m working on commanding my emotions and not allowing my emotions to rule my life. Choosing joy over crabbiness…or at least choosing kindness. Choosing life over death. Victory over defeat.

Wow, I totally got off track. I was going to talk about school plans, but I’ll save that for another time. I don’t have any plans to speak of anyway!

My prayer for me is that wisdom and kindness flow freely from my mouth. I am seeing the Proverbs 31 woman in a different light recently. She doesn’t scare or intimidate me anymore. In fact, I hold some affection toward her.

Snow talk

I know. There isn’t a lot of snow here, but I liked the color of the sky. It was WAY better in real life. I was out there in my pj’s and slippers.

Also, I don’t have a lot to say, but I convinced myself that it should be said anyway and that many of you would miss me if I neglected to post.

Most of all, I’m using this as a distraction. I don’t know what it is, but all of my children are being pretty rotten today. It wearies me. I have a 12 year old boy that acts like I’m the stupidest thing he’s laid eyes on in awhile. My 5 year old has to contradict everything. We went for a walk without enough layers on her because she refused to wear a warmer coat. Then there’s Sage and Dusty. There really isn’t much to say about them. They’re just being how they normally are, I guess.

We had a nice walk. Well, some of us did. Christopher told me that Ireland cried all the way home. I thought it was nice and refreshing.

Well, this five minutes has been well spent, I think. Now, I’ll go to the kitchen to do dishes until the brown rice is done. Then I’ll serve beans with brown rice. Half of my kids will complain…and one will very likely choose to not eat dinner.

The Coming Christmas

Our cute little tree is up and decorated. It wasn’t even difficult! It’s only a tad bit taller than myself. It doesn’t take up much room so it doesn’t obstruct any shelves or walkways. It’s actually quite perfect. There are even gifts under the tree. My children, especially Sage, love to give. Sage started taking things from his own collection that he thought others would like, he’d wrap it up in some sort of paper, then put it under the tree. Our friend, Levi, is an artist. Sage thought that giving him paints would be a great idea. He proceeded to wrap up his own mostly used Crayola water colors and poster paints to give to Levi. His eyes shone with joy as he wrapped this gift for a young man that has poured love upon a Sage. It was a beautiful thing to behold. Here I was worried about my kids not getting what Christmas is supposed to be about.

I have decided to not purchase any gifts this year. We are not in a position for me to go out and spend money no matter how wonderful the gift may be. I plan on starting journals for the three younger ones and continuing writing in Christopher’s. I think I’ll wrap it and give it to them each Christmas. I’ll do other small things, too. Last year I spent days and days baking and sewing and making ornaments. This year I’ve relaxed more. I’ve enjoyed it a lot. I still love to bake and make things and I’m sure I’ll get into the groove sooner or later…probably later.

I’ve really enjoyed the sense of community I’ve felt lately. It is wonderful to have people feel free to come visit us at any time. There is no shortage of good men to tell bedtime stories, wrestle, or encourage the kids to listen to me. Sometimes they even make popcorn or clean my kitchen. I love lying or sitting on my bed with a bunch of girls who cuddle my kids and me. They’ll let me play with their hair and they’ll rub my back. Oh, and they’ll clean my kitchen, too.

There is snow on the ground. Sorry for the lack of pictures. I am far too comfortable on my bed to go find the card reader to upload photos. I went out in my jammies and slippers to get some shots of the clouds as the sun was rising. You miss those things if you stop to put on a coat, you know.

Random Randomness

I’m feeling random this morning.

First of all, look at that messy desktop! Why, oh why, can I keep it organized? I try and try…well, sometimes I do. Look at all those things in the dock. Do they all need to be there? Uh, I pretty much think so. Random pictures all over the place. Oh please, somebody help me! Augh! Last time I cleaned up my desktop I permanently deleted an EDITED set of senior pictures. The good new is that I am much quicker at processing now so I got it all redone in record time.

There is a dusting of snow on the ground and my kids woke me up wanting to go build a snowman. We cuddled instead.

I know I’ve said this on both Twitter and Facebook, but please, I beg you, go download a bunch of free Christmas music from Elephant Hug. Some songs make me want to cry and others make me laugh. I think it’s pretty amazing.

Oh, did you hear? I’m best friends with a celebrity. Just ask him. Actually, if you’re reading this and you actually do know him, please don’t ask him. [I'm trusting you 2 men to keep my silly and embarrassing antics to yourselves.]

I made brownies last night at the insistence of my bossy teenage friends. It was my pleasure, actually. Brownies and I have a good relationship. I’ve been using this very exact recipe for about 11 years and I’m quite sure that last night was the best batch to ever come out of my oven. Perhaps there was a little more love put into the batch or something. Or maybe I sneezed and didn’t turn away. Either way, I hope it happens again.

Have I mentioned that I really love taking photos? Have I told you that on one of my external hard drives there is over 19,000 pictures? Granted, some of those are duplicates due to file name changes and the weird way one of my programs on the old PC organized everything. I’d like to say I’m working on organizing that, but I’d be lying. I’m working on far too many other things.

I like having my hair in cornrows, but I always feel a little bit weird about it. I wonder if it’s offensive. I wonder if people look at me and wonder if I’m trying to be something I’m not.

The snow is melting and I really love sitting in my bed with warm flannel sheets.

I’m wondering: If my van get 20 miles to a gallon and gas is under $2 per gallon and I want to take a trip that is just under 2000 miles round trip, how much would that cost? Figure it out for me, please. Thanks. I’m thinking about other things right now. Like the smell of bacon and how that does nothing for my vegetarian leaning and how I’d be vegan if it wasn’t so much work.

It is close to the end of the year and I find myself beginning to evaluate the past 12 months. I’m sure it will become a blog.

Well, I have many other random thoughts today, but I’m out of time boys and girls. I must get dressed, pretend to brush my hair, wash my face, cover this zits that will still be seen (HELLO! I’M 34! I SHOULD NOT HAVE THESE!)

Ciao!

Celebrity Encounter

Aaron Beaumont

Let me introduce you to my new friend, Aaron. I have him listed in my sidebar under music I love. It isn’t often that I hear music and have to buy it right away. When I first heard it I said it made me want to dance in the rain. Now that it is pouring down rain and very cold I just might have to modify my comment. How about it makes me want to dance in the first autumn rain or the rainbow filled spring rains. Not the wintery, blustery, driving rain kind of days. Anyway, I heard of him from another friend, Leslie. He mentioned Aaron’s music on Twitter. Anyway, Aaron was on a Christmas tour with Choir at Your Door and they happened to be in Portland on Wednesday night. So a friend and I went. I am so glad I did. I was nervous. I wanted to talk to him since he was there. I had sent him a message through MySpace and he was kind enough to reply. Not only that, but Lennox and Leslie both go to church with Aaron. Oh, and also, my friend Kaleb, who has never heard Aaron’s music or read Leslie’s scripts was in Hollywood recently and met them both.

It simply isn’t fair, but I’m not whining at all. Not me. Why are you laughing?

I’ll just get on with my story then! So, I get to the place about 10 minutes late because I took a wrong turn about 2 blocks away. My friend, Danielle, was in charge of navigating. So, she’d look at my iPhone and say, “Hey, the blue dot is not on the purple line!” I’m not a big city girl, obviously. Anyway, as I walk in I see Aaron walk out of the sanctuary. I stop, look at Danielle, and say in my best non-stage whisper while frantically pointing, “That’s Aaron!” I stand there a minute, his back to me while he’s getting coffee, then I do it. I timidly march over to the man in a bright red Christmas sweater whom I’ve only admired from afar. (His music, not him…just need to clarify that.) I had seen pictures of him from MySpace and a couple of dress up parties he and Leslie have gone to. I tap him and stupidly say, “Hi, are you Aaron?” I didn’t occur to me to say, “Hi Aaron, blah blah blah!” After he confirmed who he was I told him who I was linking my name to Lennox’s hoping to spark some recognition. My plan was successful. So we chatted about how surprised they were to find that they were just part of a Christmas program and not actually doing their normal show. He also went on to tell me how I missed him playing several instruments at once. Ugh.

It ends up that I only get to hear about 3 of their songs and the whole program was over by 9. I arrived at 8:09. I left Sheridan at 6:34. I was bummed. After the show he came up to talk to Danielle and I. (She didn’t speak unless spoken to so I blabbered on and on and on.) He and I were talking when some other people came up to talk to him. One of the guys turned to me and asked, “So are you tour with him, too?” After telling him that I wasn’t he said, “Oh, but you’re friends.” I quickly said, “Um, no, not really, we’re not…uh, no?” I’m frantically looking between Aaron, Danielle, and this guy. Then Aaron say, “Yes, yes we are.” So I turn to the guy, shrug my shoulders, and say, “Yes.” Then there’s a moment silence and I feel the great need to tell them how I at least know of Aaron beginning with knowing Lennox in real life. I think I’m red by this time. I’m at least starting to get warm.

Aaron then goes to help the guys load up, but tells us he’ll be back. So, we wait around. Another person asks me if I’m with the tour. Nope. Just a groupie stalker. I didn’t actually say that out loud. Aaron comes back to talk to us. I gushed over how I love his music and how Lennox called him brilliant. I laughed nervously while he told me of his classical piano training and how he was heading out to New York City. I mentioned how I tell everybody about his music, which I do. If you came into my house, I’d play his music for you.

He kindly offers to play a couple of songs for me. I’m flattered. Honored. Overjoyed. Trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing. In fact, he was insistent on playing for me. After fiddling with amps and the sound system and packing up all his equipment he gets ready to play for me. Now there is a small crowd waiting for him. They were all waiting to go to Powell’s Bookstore before it closes. He looks at them and asks them if it’s alright to play a couple of songs for me. No problem. Problem was that I was getting more embarrassed by the second. With all the fidgeting of equipment and packing up I’m being pointed out every few minutes as being the reason for the hubbub. (Not in a bad way, though.) He plays my 2 favorite songs. First he played The Park Bench Song that has inspired me to do a photo project with, you guessed it, park benches. Then he played The Time Will Come. Please go to his site and listen. He ended the evening by posing for a picture with me and giving me a cd.

Now, I don’t know that I would consider us friends. MySpace says he has over 16,000 friends. I am only one. Granted, we do have common friends, but I have never met Leslie in real life. Though I no longer doubt whether or not to call him friend. We both like chocolate, brewer’s yeast, tofu, and books. He introduced me to Brewed Chocolate. I have yet to try it, but I’m dying to. (If you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, this would be a good gift. You could get one for yourself, too.)

Here’s one last shot of Aaron playing a song just for me!

Wonderland Mushrooms

Bright Fall Day

Last Leaves of Fall

I am so glad that it is bright outside. There are still amazing clouds and little pockets of fog in the tree covered hills, but it is bright. The colors are vibrant, the shadows crisp, and the birds are happily hopping about in my backyard looking for fat earthworms and morsels of breadcrumbs. They better leave some of those worms in my compost pile!

Now that the main part of my house is tidy and boxes put away I am ready to work on the girls’ room. Back in August/September I completely rearranged my living room and bedroom. It has taken me months to get up the gumption to finish it off. I had books, papers, and boxes of books to take care of. Now my house is pretty. The girls’ room, however, is a totally different story. It is a DISASTER! So, I will soon make my list for today and begin tackling it. I am getting a late start on the day, but I feel okay about that. I sat in bed with all the kids and read the story of the Nutcracker.

Yesterday I took time to journal about all the times God has provided for us. I wanted to write it all in one place so that when I’m feeling discouraged I can look back to that entry. I have pages written and it’s only a few years’ worth. As I’m writing I’ll suddenly remember more instances. One day I’ll have start a series of blog entries strictly on God’s provision. Many of you have your own stories. The latest happened just yesterday. We usually get a Christmas tree. Not always, but often. Now I know some of you disagree on such a practice, but I’m not here to talk about that. Anyway, on the way to church yesterday I had decided that I was not going to pay for a tree. I just couldn’t justify spending money on it. After church a man came up to me and asked if we had a tree because he has an extra tree. I spoke with his wife this morning and she said that she got the call while at church. What perfect timing! Now we will have a 5 1/2 ft. noble fir tree. My kids were so happy. God cares even about the small things that seem unimportant.

Titles Schmitles!

Sometimes I feel like these sunflowers look.