I’m still here…in case you wondered

There is so much to share with you. I don’t know where to begin. I’ll just babble on like I usually do, I guess.

My last post was about snow. It wasn’t a good picture of what was really going on here in wonderland, but I hope to expound on that later with pictures after I get them all uploaded. I was pretty much housebound for 2 weeks. Part of that is my fault since I wasn’t prepared. If I would have had chains I could have gone out to buy rabbit and human food. If I would have had boots I would have played outside more and went on more walks. I didn’t expect the snow to last so long so I didn’t bother trying to get out on the first day. However, we have great friends who were always willing to drop of potatoes and toilet paper as needed. The kids had fun and I missed some great pictures due to lack of boots. They were all playing way out in the field and I just couldn’t bring myself to trek out there and come back soggy. Hmm, maybe that’s what separates the good photographers from the GREAT ones. Mental note: search thrift stores for good winter boots even if it’s 100° outside at that moment. Oh, the snow in my backyard got to be between 12-14 inches. They were layers of ice and snow. Kind of painful to walk in. Ask me how I know. Then remind me that boots would remedy that.

Christmas was the best I ever had. Really. I’m not putting you on. In the morning the children were arguing and I was in my room thinking about how my kids aren’t supposed to be fighting and how this isn’t what a family is supposed to look like. Then I started thinking about our previous Christmas celebrations and realized that this season was, by FAR, the most peaceful we’ve ever had. There was joy. There was fun. We were celebrating. I really do have so much to be thankful for. Christmas eve we had a nice dinner. We all dressed up, the girls and I curled our hair. We lit candles and drank water from wine glasses. There wasn’t much to our meal, but we laughed. A couple of friends dropped by and joined us. On Christmas morning my van battery was dead so I had to be rescued. After getting on the road I drove across town to spend the day with friends. We had brunch and dinner with them. Fun was had by all. Even though we were cooking for 14 people it didn’t seem like much work.

That evening Christopher told me that he likes our life now because we are happier and can have friends over and go to friends’ houses more.

Another blessing! Some ladies from church wanted to buy my kids Christmas gifts. My kids were thrilled. I was relieved. My kids were surprised that others would want to do that. I am so proud of Sage. He had a fewer amount of gifts, but he was so full of joy when watching the others open their gifts. His eye’s sparkled. Literally. I’ve never seen such thing before. Sage, my passionate one. Let me tell you how sweet he is. First of all, go back and read about his gift to Levi. Sage had a few gifts under the tree that he had wrapped up for his sibling and me. He gave me a comic book style story of Scarlett Pimpernel, a small container of bright green play-doh, and some sparkly golden silly putty in a play-doh container. He wrapped them in normal paper with double side tape, but he used the tape as you would normal tape.

When the gifts were delivered they also came with a turkey, potatoes, and various other goodies. My guests, kids, and I are thankful. Oh, I also received a $100 gift card to WinCo. That is a gigantic blessing. We’re almost out of popcorn and brewer’s yeast!

When I looked in my little church mailbox yesterday I found a gift certificate for a hair salon. A couple months back I received a gift card to Urban Bliss. It’s a spa/salon place. Is somebody trying to tell me something about my hair or nails. I haven’t ever had a pedicure or manicure. Maybe now is the time, eh?

I lost 2 lbs. over Christmas week. I just baked brownies so that first sentence may not really matter by tomorrow morning.

Well, I’m thinking it’s a good idea to start school next week. Like really start school. I sort of did school once in a while with the kids, but the fact is that after this whole my-husband-is-living-with-another-woman fiasco it’s pretty hard to pick yourself off the floor….or drag yourself out of bed, as was the case with me. I thought I was okay. Okay meant getting out of bed, taking a shower, and going back to bed. I yell more than I used to. How else will you get them to listen when you’re stuck on your bed? I’m not sayin’ I’m proud of this, okay? (Remember, we are all happier now, despite the increase in yelling.) I let behaviours slide because I just couldn’t deal with anything. (My behaviours as well as the kids.) We’re all feeling the repercussions of this now, but guess what? I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel like I neglected my motherly duty…much. I felt guilty while it was happening, but not now. I really couldn’t function. You don’t know what it’s like to have the rug pulled out of under you until it happens. I sincerely hope that none of my readers will ever experience such pain. I don’t feel guilty because it has been 6 1/2 months and I am out of bed. My house is clean. (Well, the mirror in the kids bathroom is atrocious, but they’re learning to clean mirrors.) My kids are fed. Hey, even ALL my laundry is done at the moment. My bed is made. (My desk is messy, but getting better.) I have finally faced my financial situation and put in a spreadsheet. It ain’t pretty, but I’m not panicking.

Here’s why I’m not panicking. The God that loves me has named every star. Did you get that? EVERY star. Do you know how many that is. He must be so creative to come up with so many names. I’m pretty sure He didn’t name them M51 or some such thing. He holds the constellations in His hand. God can provide it all. He can also choose not to. I’m not deceived into thinking that because I love Jesus that everything will be peachy. I know there are jobless, homeless, hungry lovers of Jesus out there. I’m just thinking that perhaps I don’t need to hold on to these things so tightly. Maybe I need to lay down some of my pride and seek help in ways I didn’t think I ever would. (Okay, I really should lay down ALL my pride.) Perhaps I’m really going to have to learn how to work hard, be diligent, and face the fears that come my way in order to make it. I know it looks impossible for me to stay home to homeschool and mother my children and provide for them, but it isn’t. (I don’t have a solution right now, but I do know that nothing is impossible with God and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.) I don’t always feel so confident, but I’m working on commanding my emotions and not allowing my emotions to rule my life. Choosing joy over crabbiness…or at least choosing kindness. Choosing life over death. Victory over defeat.

Wow, I totally got off track. I was going to talk about school plans, but I’ll save that for another time. I don’t have any plans to speak of anyway!

My prayer for me is that wisdom and kindness flow freely from my mouth. I am seeing the Proverbs 31 woman in a different light recently. She doesn’t scare or intimidate me anymore. In fact, I hold some affection toward her.

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One comment

  1. A wonderful post Dar!

    I’m SO glad you had such a great holiday together!
    You have been blessed in so many ways by the body of believers, it really warms my heart to read all you have to share! I still wish we lived closer, but I’m very thankful you are so well taken care of by the LORD through the family of Christ!

    I look forward to more of your happenings and posts!
    Here’s to HOPE for the New Year! May PEACE, LOVE, and JOY be in your home!

    Love and prayers to you!
    ~Shannon
    p.s. hope to see you again soon! Did the coat work well for Dusty?

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