October and Jesus

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It is dark and quiet outside. I’m drinking tea and listening to good music.

One of my very good friends is in the birthing center laboring to bring her baby boy into this world. I’m so excited to hold that boy and look into the face of my brand new mama friend. I will write about her someday.

My house still smells of chicken. The kids watched White Fang while deboning 3 chickens for me today. Now what is left of the carcass is in the crockpot making broth. My kitchen is a mess and I’m half hoping that the cat will come in and lick the chicken juice off of the table.

My birthday is in 6 days. Some friends and I will be running a 5K called the Color Vibe that morning. [By running, I mean that I’ll be dying trying to jog and they’ll be leisurely walking along side of me.] I’m excited and nervous about that all at the same time.

I’m going to be 39 and I don’t mind one bit. I don’t mind that I’m going to be 40 next  year. In fact, I’m excited. I like myself more than ever before. In fact, 2 years ago I wrote about how I wasn’t looking forward to my 37th birthday. [That month I wrote every day as part of a blogging challenge, you can find those links HERE.] I wrote all about me and I just have to say it was kind of depressing.

Yet, it was also joy giving.

Here’s why: I am not that scared woman anymore!!! 

So many things are the same, but so many things are different. My perspective has changed. I’m no longer looking at life through a lens of hopelessness and fear, but of hope and joy. You heard me, I said JOY. I have plenty of bad days, shoot I had a bad 6 weeks recently, but I found my way back. I am not so desperate as I once was and there’s only one answer.

JESUS

There is so much I could say right here. Too many things, actually. But I’ll stop.

Ok, maybe I won’t. It’s relationship with Jesus. It’s believing Him and walking with Him and trusting Him and listening and taking risks. Scary ones. They’re not risks if they’re not scary. It’s choosing Him every day and all that comes with it. We don’t need fortune tellers or horoscopes to give us direction. We need the Word of God.

He is Faithful.

Now I’ll stop.

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