Sometimes I find it extremely difficult to get out of bed. It has been 3-1/2 months since my husband left. I feel like it should all be a distant memory, but it isn’t. I do get out of bed and dressed everyday now, but it is still challenging to be completely present. I’ve let my children watch uncounted hours of movies and play on the computer. I’ve yet to finish the rearranging job I started a few weeks ago. Last night when I was talking with a friend she reminded me that one of Satan’s weapons is to keep us distracted from what it is we need to do now. We often focus on the past or even the future. I often think, “What if I would have or wouldn’t have done [fill in the blank]? Those thoughts don’t matter. They keep me from deciding what to do right now. Do those thoughts further the Kingdom? No, not at all, they keep me down. They keep me from the fighting in the battle. The battle here is not a fleshly one, but a spiritual one. We are told in Corinthians that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal and over in Ephesian we are told to put on the armor of God. It isn’t always easy to get out of bed and put on that armor. It’s so much easier to not mess with it, but where does that leave me? Unprotected and vulnerable. The enemy is at my heels. He knows my weaknesses, but so does God. I’m learning more about this God I serve. I’m beginning to see Him as not only my protector, but my Captain. I have spent years serving Him primarily out of fear, not love. I do love Him, but my choices have been made out of the fear of what would/could/should happen if I made what I thought was the wrong choice. Needless to say, quite a few choices were not the “right” ones I thought they were. I am learning to really seek Him. This is a whole new phase of my life. I’m at a point where I’m allowing myself to become vulnerable with those around me in a way I’ve never been before. It occurred to me that most of what I’ve been hiding is probably evident to those around me.
This post isn’t going in the direction I had originally expected. That’s okay.
What I really wanted to write about was this:
This is a gift I found on my table one morning after dragging myself out of bed. In fact, it was the Fourth of July. I had kept my kids up really late the night before so they would sleep in and not be so tired for the celebration that night. I also wanted to sleep in. I did hear my door open, but I thought perhaps the kids were letting a cat in or out of the house. I had no idea that I had a visitor. She let me sleep. This friend knew I was having a hard time getting out of bed each day so she came up with 32 reasons why I should. I keep them with me. I pressed the rose petals in my Bible where they remind me of the love of my friend. The still smell good. I cried as I read them out loud to my children. When I am stuck in my cave, afraid to move, I look at these to remind me why.
Here are a few of the reasons:
Ireland, Dusty, Sage, Christopher, His mercies are new EVERY morning, Jeremiah 29:11, Facebook, 80’s music, sunrises, God’s grace, His love is unfailing, I don’t have brain damage, freshly picked blackberries, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, the love of Christ compels us, because even dandelions & thistles are resplendent with God’s glory, there’s something new to learn every day, I don’t want to miss out on life, Rom. 8:28-30, Psalm 62:2, I’m beautiful. I didn’t add that last one on my own, I promise!