I’d really love to have a restful weekend. What I think of as relaxing and restful doesn’t really exist, but I still want it. I desire for children who get along perfectly all weekend. I want to read or create something and meals to magically appear without needing me to clean up. No laundry. PLEASE, no laundry. Clean kids and clean bathrooms. Good naps and easy bedtimes. Maybe some of you experience this. If you do, don’t tell me about it. If you don’t, feel free to share. I don’t want to know that it can actually happen. If I thought that, I’d also need to feel guilty for my lack of parenting skills and I don’t need more guilt. I already felt guilty for wondering if dropping my 2 oldest kids on the side of the road would be bad. It’s the bickering, the constant bickering between those 2 that drive me to cliffs of insanity. And yet, there has to be a strong bond between the two. She really loves him and often thinks of ways to bless him. When Dusty was around 8 months to a year old I’d have her over for the night. I could not get her to stop crying. She didn’t want to be with Auntie Dar, she wanted her mama, who was Crystal at that time. So, I would take Dusty into Christopher, who was about 3-4 then, he would open up his arms and scoot over in his bed. She’d crawl into his arms, snuggle up, and they’d sleep through the night. I simply cannot tomato stake all four of my children to me, no matter how much they need it or even want it. I feel like I’m always putting out fires between them. It gets really really tiring. I guess lack of adult interaction adds to my level of irritability, as well. Reading blogs, Facebook, and instant messaging is pretty much my only contact with grown up world…and probably a good number of my facebook friends are not adults! Ah, the weekend is here and I am sure to see an adult or 10 show up either this evening or tomorrow after church.
Sorry for the weary complaining. I know I have so much to be thankful for like: 20 lbs of potatoes, 7 lbs of rice, okra soup tonight (I’ll be doing a post on that recipe), foggy fields, facebook, blogs, and gmail instant messaging. Oh and naps…especially when they are taken with minimal fussing!
So ends week 1 of homechoool 2009. A successful week. Not perfect, mind you, but I didn’t expect that anyway. We did lots of little tests to figure out who was where in what so that I can figure out who to start where in what. Did that make sense? Sage did remarkably well considering it was a change. It takes lots of talking to him about what is going to happen and how great it will be and how his brain will get stronger and wiser even though it’s hard at first. When he is uncooperative I just pretend that it’s okay and that’s what I want him to do and, “Oh Sage! I’m so sorry you’re too tired to do this thing. Why don’t you rest so you can get strong? I don’t want you to be too tired to miss out on the fun.” This is the kind of thing that works with kids who have Reactive Attachment Disorder. You can also read more about it here. I don’t like the label. I don’t like that it works, but it does. I resisted the idea of this because it seem so full of psychology, but the fact is that there has been trauma in their lives that has severely changed the way their brains and emotions work. In all actuality, I also would have been diagnosed with it. I can see how many of the “symptoms” I’ve had or do have. Jesus does make a difference, obviously, but some of the biggest changes have come in recent months. I have a friend who says things like, “Yeah, go ahead and make that choice. I’m not gonna tell you it’s wrong cuz you already know that, but here’s what Jesus says about you…” Something in me suddenly says, “Uh, you think I’m gonna do that dumb thing? You got another thing coming, buddy!” Anyway, this isn’t what I came on here to talk about, but I did.
Where was I going with this? I don’t know either. Your guess is as good as mine…oh yeah, school. It has been good. I just need to get started a little earlier in the mornings which would involve going to bed a bit earlier in the evening. It’s that self-discipline thing that I’m not too fond of. Sigh.
In spite of all the challenges we are facing as a family I am looking forward to this school year. I’m hoping this is the year my 2 younger ones really learn how to read and the two older ones improve their reading speed and comprehension. Here’s to a more peaceful and productive year in which our heart are knit together tighter than before.
I’ll leave with a Christmas eve picture of my four greatest blessings and boredom busters. The first one is the result of asking Ireland to please not look so angry. It’s not such a big deal that she smile, but she looked like she was glaring.