First off, I want to say that this post may ramble and take a few rabbit trails, but I really do have a point in all this. I promise.
Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail,
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls-
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The LORD God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer’s feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills.
This may look familiar to you if you read my blog. This verse has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I touched on my financial troubles. I’ve tried not to complain about them. I have trusted God in all of this, but I have also been frustrated and discouraged. Here is the thing: I have between $10,000-11,000 in credit card debt. I have a house that is on a 7 year balloon loan that will be up in 3 years. I am not getting child support yet. I am getting adoption assistance. The latter is what pays most of the bills, but not all of them. I have spent the last year unnecessarily paying insurance for 2 of Kelly’s cars. I didn’t know he was insuring them separately. I have also continued to pay for his cell phone account since the contract is not up until September. After being separated for nearly a year I finally went in to apply for food stamps. I had run out of lentils and practically every kind of flour. My jars of beans were empty. It was humbling. I’d rather work than be on food stamps. I think that was a blessing, though, because it got the child support ball rolling. Now our vegetable drawers are full and our fruit bowls spill over. I love that! My kids need school supplies, clothing, and shoes. Now, I’m not one to go out to buy all new clothes just because it’s school time, but there are several pieces of clothing that each child needs. Today I have less than $20.
I trust my God.
I trust the One who has prompted people to put bags of food on my table all those years ago. I trust the One who has never left us or forsaken us. I truly trust Him.
Every summer Sage & Dusty go to Royal Family Kids Camp. Christopher went when he was young enough. It’s amazing. I cry at the end of it every year. Anyway, this year I failed to turn in their applications. I felt dumb and mean. This is something that means SO much to them and I procrastinated so long that they couldn’t go. I told them. They were sad. I emailed one of the leaders and asked if we could stay on the mailing list for next year even though we missed this year. They already had one camp and are scheduled to have the next one beginning Monday. I receive an email saying if anyone drops out they’ll contact me. I know the chances are slim. Camp starts on Monday, after all. Last Tuesday as I was folding laundry I asked God if He would please bless the kids by making a way for them to go. Tuesday afternoon I receive an email saying that there is room for Sage, but not for Dusty. I tell the kids and Dusty is so cool about it. Thursday I receive an email and phone call telling me that there is room for Dusty, too, and that they are really looking forward to having her again. This will be her 4th time and Sage’s 2nd. God loves my children. He blessed them…and me. My kids will come home with 1-2 pairs of shoes each. I will pack a bag for them for the week, they will come home with BAGS of stuff. Bibles, gifts, clothes, a handmade blanket. Get this! Every year they each come home with handmade quilts. Well, made with love using a sewing machine by women who pray over each one. They also come home with a scrapbook of their week with notes from their counselor, “aunt & uncle”, and “grandma & grandpa”. They get to swim, build, do archery, ride horses. Oh, and it’s free. It’s for foster kids or foster families. Endorsed and encouraged by DHS and totally Christ centered. I am teary eyed just writing about this incredible thing and so very grateful that my kids get to be part of that.
God heard my prayer for my children.
I couldn’t pay a couple utility bills because I wanted to search Goodwill and New-to-You for some of the things my kids need for school.
Almost 2 weeks ago I went to the beach. On the way home I was praying about my job situation. I can’t have a regular day job. Who would watch my kids? Who would take them to ballet or soccer? How would I pay for it? [I recently heard that ABC daycare here in town is cheap so that may be an option.] Then what about school? My schedule will change every term. I have bills. I have kids. I have debt. I have a crazy idea about my debt. I want to be out of it in one year, but how on earth could I do that without a job. I realized that with the only way I could work is if I get a graveyard shift. Ugh. Graveyard. I haven’t done that since I was young, but it is the only way.
Next day. Coming home from the beach again. I saw a job come open. My friend from church, Windy, is the one who hires. I talk to her. It’s graveyard 10pm-6am, 4 nights a week: Fri-Mon. 32 hours, possibly 40 if I need it. I take the plunge and apply. I talk to my friend, Levi, he will stay nights at my house so my kids aren’t alone. He is excited. He says, “God is blessing you.” I wait. I call Windy. It’s a no go. Didn’t work out, but there is another job opening up for the same shift at the end of September. Ok. That’s fine. I didn’t want to start school and a new job at the same time, but I’ll do what I have to do.
This whole time I’ve been praying that if this is the job God has for me that He will work it out. If there is something else He has for me then I trust Him to not open this one for me. When I found out that I didn’t get I was sad, but kept telling myself “Trust Him. His plans for me are good.”
Today I am heading out to a funeral. I’m on the phone with my sister-in-law, Rachel, talking about our lives and planning a visit. My phone beeps indicating that I have another call. It is Windy. I answer. Something changed. I get the job. I start next week. Orientation is Monday. I get Festival of Tents off, which is good since it’s very important to my kids and I AND everyone who would normally watch my kids will be there.
I have a job. 32 hours a week. 2 of my kids will be gone my first week of working so the transition will be easier. I get Festival off. I will be able to get caught up on my bills.
I trust Him.
Oh, I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before. I am completely registered for my first term of school. Yay! My financial aid came through. My award, which is in the form of grants, will be around $6000. Tuition and books total approximately $4500.
Isn’t God good? Even when I’m hurt and disappointed.