I have pneumonia. Wonderful. Now that I have it, I think I had it another time this year. I just don’t go to the doctor for such things. This one happened to get diagnosed because I was already at the doctor getting my esophagus dilated again. It had closed up again. Dilation is temporary, I need surgery. I meet with a surgeon next Wednesday. This is quite disconcerting to me. The timing of it all, that is. 

Aaron Beaumont will be here next Saturday. What if my surgery is before he gets here and I’m all hopped up on drugs and I can’t do the photoshoot I want to do. Or worse, what if I’m still in the hospital because something terrible happened? It’s apparently just an out-patient procedure. I’ve waited forever to see Aaron perform. *sigh*

It has come to my attention lately that I have poor friendship skills. I’m not hearing this from new friends, but from friends I’ve had for 10 years or longer. I don’t trust them enough, I’m passive aggressive, I don’t communicate enough of my life with them, and I certainly am not grateful enough. How humbling and devastating. It appears that I have a trail of hurt friends behind me.  Now I’m being asked to trust in more people at my church. I don’t really know these people. I mean, I’ve known them for years, but not in the way that you lay your life in their hands. I not only have to fix my body, but now I need to go around trying to fix everything I’ve broken in the people around me. 

Oh, have you heard? I’m dying. Yep. That’s how it’s been put to me. (I even heard my doctor say that as he was talking to a surgeon.) My friend was very persistent with me to get back in touch with the doctors. I was kind of waiting for the doctor to call me. I did call the doctor all on my own…well, with my friend breathing down my neck. (That’s speaking figuratively.) 

I hate being so weak. I hate being so exposed. I was really angry and hurt yesterday. I was probably also being highly irrational. Apparently, I’ve lost the ability to think straight. I wonder if you’re witnessing the beginning of my insanity? Or perhaps you’ve already witnessed the beginning and now we’re coming down to the end?

Now would be the place where I let out a big fat SIGH, but I can’t. It’ll put me into a coughing spasm.

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