I feel like a clock is ticking. Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

When I’m feeling stressed or super happy I tend to make up silly little rhymes in my head. Sometimes I let them come out of my head and I share them. 

Mostly I just have random thoughts that I spew all over anyone who is within hearing distance. That means you.

My surgery was scheduled for Friday, April 16. It has been moved up to the 13th. That makes me nervous. I wasn’t originally planning on getting nervous about it until Tuesday rolled around. Oh well. It almost feels like it’s happening in 2 days since the weekend has this terrible habit of flying by. It’s like you just settle into the weekend when Monday slaps you in the face. 

I’ve been working on resting. I know I need to learn to really rest in Jesus, but I’m talking about that once a week Sabbath rest that most of us tend to ignore. It’s harder than you may think. You’d think I’d jump at the chance to rest, but I really don’t. When my kids are gone on the weekend it is almost like torture. I’m alone. I’ve been pretty sick so I’m not up to really going out and hiking the world over or going to the beach. I don’t know what this is going to look like for me. I know that when the kids are with me I want us to spend our Saturday together as much as we can. Christopher has ballet and soon Sage will have baseball. I’m thinking that the kids and I need to learn how to be family. How to love each other and enjoy each other. The kids are always asking me to do special things with them or have a family game night. I picture our Saturdays together doing lovely things outside our home. Going to a park and exploring or going hiking. Tomorrow we’ll be going to a waterfall near McMinnville. I know that after my surgery I’ll be out of commission for awhile, but I can still read to them. I haven’t been good at reading to them for quite some time. They all love it when I read out loud. Christopher recently chose Star Wars Episode III for me to read. I wasn’t too excited about that, but I did tell him to choose a book. I’m reinstating our nightly story time. It’s such a sweet time.

When we’re done reading we pray for one another. Ireland was praying the other night and I remembered the first time she prayed for me. When the kids first came I would put my hand on their heads as I prayed for them. Sage started asking each night, “Are you going to pray blessings on us?” Ireland would just look at me funny. She didn’t speak when she first came even though she was 2. After a few weeks of our nightly routine she put her hand on my head and bowed her head. She didn’t speak a word. She was very serious. She was often very serious back then, now she is my very silliest. When she was done praying she took her hand off my head and looked into my eyes. I asked her, “Amen?” and she gave me a barely discernible nod. 

I am not looking forward to this surgery, but I am looking forward to the results of it. I can’t imagine what my life will be like. I am free from the bondage of unforgiveness. I will eventually be able to eat. I will be able to sleep through the night. I won’t be going back to the way I was eating before. It will be much healthier. When I’m recovered enough to exercise I will get to do that. I will be running a half marathon on September 5 in Eugene. (BBBB- You should cheer me on and/or be at the the finish line.) Not so sure what I was thinking when I agreed to do that one! Anyway, I’m kind of feeling like I’m getting a chance to start over with everything. 

I think I enjoy my Friday cleaning days. Then everything is clean for the weekend. Earlier today I was thinking that it’s like cleaning for a guest. Maybe I can think of rest as a guest that comes each week. A clean house helps me to rest. 

I love that it is after 6 pm and the sun is still far from the horizon. I love that I can see the sun.