So, last night was the first night of my Crossfit training. You can Google it. I don’t yet know how to explain the concept, but I know I’m excited for it! I was also kinda scared. I get that way when I don’t know what to expect. I knew it would be hard and that I’d be challenged. I also knew that I would probably be the fattest chick in the group…and I was. It doesn’t bother me so much now. I am what I am and I won’t always be the biggest one, right? When I was doing my half marathon I kept looking for someone bigger than me. There were over 1550 people there, surely one was bigger. I didn’t spot any that I can think of, but I very quickly got to the point where I didn’t care. Shoot, I’m a fat girl who is doing half marathons and does crazy work outs at the Dog Pound here in Sheridan and now is doing Crossfit.

5:50 p.m. Walk into the new Crossfit location in a very cool warehousey (i just made up that word) part of McMinnville. The first thing I think is that it’s a great place for photos. I wish I could exercise and take pictures at the same time! The sky, the buildings, even the air was perfect for a photoshoot! I meet JP and start filling out papers while my kids get situated in the daycare area that I’ll be working in on my non-workout nights. There are several other people there. I don’t know most of them, but I’m very happy to see two girls I used to see when I went to Cindy’s gym. It gives me an odd sort of comfort knowing that they’re there.

When we’ve all filled out our papers JP begins to take us through some basic movements. First we do air squats, then we practice lifting a pvc pipe as though it’s a barbell. We squat, jump, shrug out shoulders, bend our elbows, & flip our wrists. Simple, right? Um, yeah. Burning legs. Tired plantar fasciitis feet. (I think I’ll be taping them in the future.) My body jiggles and bounces and I just keep telling myself that it won’t always do that. It’s weird what goes through my head when I’m working out. I wonder what people are thinking of me, but I realize nobody is thinking about me. They’re thinking about what other people think of them.

We move on to the WOD, which is to say Workout Of the Day. 10 pushups, 10 burpees, 15 air squats, then run to Lafayette Rd & back. Repeat 4 times. Then he tells us we’re doing it for time. There’s a big timer on the wall that we’ll look at when we finish the whole thing and write down the time when we’re done. Oh gosh. I hate timed things. I hate running. I hate being slow. I hate pushups. I hate burpees. I don’t mind the squats. Oh, and with the pushups we have to go all the way to the floor! I can’t do real push ups so I have to do girl ones on my knees. I don’t let my own girls do girlie pushups. Looks like I’m going to have to toughen up! I’m watching a lot of people doing the exercises with ease, but I also see some who are struggling. I’m thinking, “Oh man, I can’t do burpees, my fat is just in the way.” As I’m running I’m thinking, “Toughen up Dar. You’ve done a half marathon!” Why is it still so hard for me to get moving? It’s a total head game. It’s me arguing with myself about how strong I am or how much pain I’m in or if I’m even worth it. I am strong and yes, I do hurt, but mostly I am worth it. My kids are worth it. My friends are worth it. The Kingdom is worth it. I’m not sure that my dog is worth it, though. So, I embark on this workout that sounds so simple and yet is hard. I’m more than halfway done and I’m barely doing burpees. I’m slowly lowering myself to the ground and peeling myself back up. There is no hop. There is no spark. There is JP saying, “Good job.” A man says to JP, “I used to like you.” I guess that’s the price you pay when you push people. You have to be hated for a little while, but then we’ll love you again.

I look up and there are people standing around because they’ve finished. Oh ugh. I’m just on my 3rd time through. I make it through the whole routine 4 times in 20 minutes and 27 seconds. I can barely breathe, but I know one thing: I want a picture of tonight and I want one with Cyra & JP cuz this calls for some blogging celebration. I am going to do this. I am going to succeed. I am going to take pictures just like the ones above every single month so that I can visibly see the progress. Hopefully I’ll keep my curviness, but lose the squishiness. My time will improve. My strength will improve and maybe I can inspire and motivate others to take on an impossible task.