I learned something about myself today. I’m not sure if it’s a new realization or maybe just a deeper one.
Sometimes I’ll go along feeling perfectly confident in an area of my life. Not worrying about it at all, in fact, I’m even enjoying it. Then all it takes is for one person to question what I know to be true. Suddenly doubt and fear begin to prance about while the assuredness I once has retreats to the closet. I worry and get scared. I wonder if I’m just totally daft to believe what I do; to stand where I stand. Maybe everyone else is right and what I hear or perceive is dead wrong. Maybe my own heart is hidden from me so that I don’t even know what is in there. Maybe my brain has overridden the heart and now I need to listen to the heart.
I let these things sit and stir for awhile. I push them aside, but it’s impossible to contain them once they’re out there. Anger darts in and out of these thoughts. Mostly I pretend that none of it’s there until finally I sit straight up in bed and say aloud, “Ok. You wanna know what the problem is???”
Then guess what happens?
The tumultuous waters are no longer being stirred. They begin to settle. I can breathe again. My vision clears and my tense muscles relax. I know which way to face now.
Maybe I learned 2 things today:
- Before actually listening to the other people I need to remind myself of the truth.
- As long as I’m saturating myself in the Scriptures & praying then I can more confidently discern the truth from distraction.
- I think I just need to waffle up and put things in nice little brain boxes and not let the contents of each box mix with other boxes.
Yes, I realize that was 3.
I need to NOT listen to me. I need to look only to Him. To Walk with Him. Listen only to Him so that when other voices enter in I will recognize which ones are from Him.