A million choices come my way every single day. Little ones, big ones, medium ones. They never stop.
These past two days I have been so irritable and tired. Today I wanted to stay in bed, eat ice cream, and watch movies. I have no reason to be upset about anything. Things are good, for the most part.
5:00 a.m.- Alarm goes off. Do I choose snooze or not. I lie in the dark for 30 minutes talking to God about how horrible I feel sandwiched between thanking Him that His mercies are new every morning. I wonder, what does that look like. His mercies. How do we know if they’re old or new? Aren’t they all good cuz they’re all from Him?
5:37 a.m.- I turn on the light and grab my Bible. I can’t remember what I read, but I know I read something.
Time seems to move slow like molasses, but the next time I look at my watch it’s time for me to hop into the shower. The day goes on like that. Slow moving, yet time seems to speed up.
My bed calls and I ignore it.
My iCal calendar tells me what is scheduled. My list tells me what I need to be doing. My dishes and laundry cry out for my attention.
I bake 3 loaves of blueberry bread and 2 round loaves of sourdough bread. Frozen chicken goes into the crockpot for dinner tonight. Beans start boiling on the stove. I have no idea what I’m going to do for dinner.
I edit photos, check my negative balance again, moving like a snail, yet still moving forward.
I iChat, Skype, IM, and talk on the phone with Rachel. I keep telling her how much I want to lie down.
I tell a friend today that being alive takes too much energy today. I seriously feel like a going to bed. So tired and crabby.
I can’t even remember what I had for lunch, but I did have a good breakfast. Turkey bacon, baked potato, 2 fried eggs.
I take a nap, waking with a start at 1:37 p.m. I was supposed to meet with 2 friends at 1:30.
I rush out, leaving my sourdough to rise in loaves on the table. My house smells like chicken and bread.
We meet. We talk. We rush out into our own lives promising to pray for one another and hoping to check in before the week is over.
Have I said yet that I am tired. A million times today I’ve had to choose bed or moving forward. I’ve wanted to reach out to a friend today, but finding that it is better that I just keep close to Jesus. I would have preferred that I never had to see anybody today.
Kids come home. I hug them each in turn & ask about their day. One child comes to me; he’s had a bad day. Kids snack, play, snack, watch a video. That last one was for me. I needed some time for them to be contained so I could get some work done.
Darn. A photo not working out. Stress!!!! Ack!!! A solution. Not perfect, but still a solution.
Dinner. Burritos. Black beans, brown rice, chicken, cheese. Pretty normal food for around here. And well, maybe just one more piece of blueberry bread.
Every moment closer to my bed.
I end the day with watching a silly movie with Ireland and chatting with Christopher about the movie they watched at youth group.
All in all, not a bad day. I had one small breakdown.
Now, to bed and start all over again. All the while giving thanks always and asking Jesus to help me to smile at my children.