I have a hard time letting go.

I’ve been known to hang on to anger long after I’ve forgotten why I was angry in the first place. All I know is that I was right in being angry. I have fought about something even when I’ve realized I’m wrong. I’m hoping that I’m not like that any more.

I have a couple of books from my early childhood. Puff the Magic Dragon and another one with easy words and short stories. I have my teddy bear, Lambert the Sheepish Lion, and an ugly monkey that I don’t love. I keep the monkey only because I’ve had him since I was 7 or something like that.

I have a hard time letting go of my own ideas and plans, too. I was recently told that my plan is not always the right plan. Are you seriously telling me that?

I’d like to say that I have a hard time giving up friendships, but that’s not entirely true. I’ll fight for the ones that have been with me for a long time. Though I have found that a few of those friendships are better off fading away. Recently I was hurt by someone and I’m perfectly fine just letting that one go. I guess pushing it away would be a better way to put it. I have a feeling that it’s not the Kingdom way to do so.

There are changes on the horizon for my family and me. I dream of simplicity and less stuff, but the fact is that I am having such a hard time letting go. My home is cluttered, though much less than it was a year ago. I want my home, wherever I dwell, to be a place of peace. I want each thing in my home to serve a purpose, to bring joy or functionality, or even both.

I’m a story teller. Or maybe at least a memory keeper. I think I hide these memories in my heart with the intention of sharing them one day. Maybe I’m afraid that if I speak it out that somehow I’ll lose whatever it is I’m holding onto.

Expectations are a difficult one to let go of, aren’t they? I have high expectations, not so much of the people around me, but of myself and my children. If you get too close I’ll start having high expectations of you, too. So high that you can’t meet them. How’s that for a trap?

I gotta let go of those, too.

I think the only thing I can hold onto AND be sure of is Christ alone. My comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ I stand.

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