Tears flowed easily and quickly from Ireland’s eyes this evening. She says, “I’m trying not to cry.” Later she stands tall with her shoulders squared; lips are pursed in between big breaths. I ask her, “Do you need to cry again?” She shakes her head, willing the tears to go away, but her shoulders betray her as they begin to shake. Oh little one, how well I know this feeling. Only my heart has built up walls to keep the tears from flowing. It’s a learned skill. I feel like her. My body is weary, my eyes are tired, and there are all kinds of emotions running me. I tell her that when us girls are tired we just want to cry and be held. So, I hold her for a bit.
I don’t know why today was emotional for me. I didn’t accomplish much. I got up to do crossfit, but that was super easy. Then I came home, ate, showered, and headed to Portland to pick up Wanee. After that, we went to McMinnville then home. I could barely stay awake on my way to the airport. I was sure to stay awake on my way back since I had picked up such precious cargo. My eyelids feel weighted down.
I want oreos. Yes, they do make me feel better. No, they are not good for me. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m upstairs and too tired to walk downstairs for them!
This is the overly irrational emotional side of me talking. This is a noodle. Can’t separate my brain thoughts from emotions.
This is me waffling up. This is me putting my emotions in a box so I can get something done. I’d like to eat a waffle with strawberries and whipped cream right now.
Tomorrow is Friday. Day 2 of crossfit. Not looking forward to it. I love the exercising, it’s the getting out of bed that I don’t like.
Goodnight friends. My brain is mush now.