Our little church, Open Door, ahs been going through a video series by Danny Silk called Honor Among Us. It’s about being a covenant people. I’m not really sure what to think of it yet. There is more discussion going on each week and there are only 2 more weeks left of the series. This evening I just sat there and wanted to cry. Fortunately I didn’t because if I did, I’d have to tell them all why.

The stakes feel high. There is a vulnerability that I’m not sure I want to expose. I sat in a room of great people tonight; of people who are leaders and changers. I decided to go to this class to watch. I wanted to know what the leaders in my church are learning and exploring.

What is covenant? It’s more than a contract. It’s more than saying, “I agree to do this as long as  you agree to do such-and-such. If you fail at your end, I am no longer obligated to hold up my end of the deal.” From what I’m understanding in this video, entering into covenant is basically saying that the deal is on forever no matter what. The actions of the other party has no bearing on our own actions or responsibilities. We continue to love and forgive; which is not to say we continue to allow abuse or to allow ourselves to be doormats.

This means deeper relationship with those around us. We need to be courageous enough to open up our hearts and let them see inside and also being bold enough to speak the truth to them while loving them.

It’s completely dying to self. As in, COMPLETELY.

This is scary stuff for me; it’s scary for all of us, I’m sure. I want to see change and I want to see a deepness in the people around me, but I’m afraid to go first…or maybe even at all.

Yet, my loneliness is so great that I know I cannot carry it on my own. I have to let people in. I think maybe God created a way for me to live with another family just so I might have other adults around. We’re still in the getting-to-know eachother process. It takes time to become family.

Covenant. That word/concept really eats at me. Like I said, I wanted to cry. There were a bunch of little instruments on my table and I wanted to throw them, stomp my foot, cry great big sobbing tears, and stomp out. Instead, I diligently took notes while alternately writing my heart in my journal.

Hard stuff. What does walking this life with Jesus REALLY look like?