I’m the star when it comes to setting them and making them look pretty on paper. I’ll even map them out on a calendar. I’m ambitious because I just KNOW I can do it. All I have to do is..well, do it! I already know how to do practically everything. I’ve probably read about it a zillion times. I’ve probably even told you how to do it.  Shoot, I’ve probably had some success at it, but then fallen flat on my face.

How embarrassing.

Why can’t I reach my goals? When I think of one area of goal making it spills into all the other areas of my life. The parts of my life are intertwined with all the other parts. I don’t have a nice job where I can leave the house each day, do only that job, then leave. I am home all day. I school some kids, I make meals, do laundry, manage kid chores, balance the money, drive kids places, and try to get in a shower. I can’t believe how hard that still is sometimes and I don’t even have babies anymore!

Have you heard of SMART goals? Here’s the concept:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic
  • Timely

I think I’m not very good at the achievable and realistic parts. Sometimes I’m sure that I can achieve more than I can and other times I don’t reach high enough. Realistic? Who has time for reality? I like the dream world, thank you very much. I’m not actually a dreamer. I just have high expectations of myself and others around me.

I’m tired of even trying. I know how lame that sounds, but right now I just kinda think I can’t do it. I don’t know how to change that thinking other than just to stop thinking that and telling myself that. Other times I’m like, “Well, I know I can do this-or-that because I’ve done this other thing before.” The motivation doesn’t stay there long.

I started Crossfit last week. It’s a number game. I can do that. It’s all written out for me and I just do it. Now, if only someone would make me a menu and go grocery shopping for me, too. Then I’d just make the food. Oh look, here goes that line crossing. My grocery shopping has to do with my budget. My budget has to do with me managing my money and setting goals for that. Then that goes into how I manage my home and time. See, it all gets so confusing for me.

I just sat here figuring out how fast I would have to run to complete a half marathon in half the time I did the Women’s Eugene Half in 2010. I’d have to run just under a 10 minute-a-mile pace. I know that’s not all that fabulous, but I limped through the last one at an 18 min-a-mile pace. I’m not exaggerating when I say “limp”. At one point I thought, “If that dude in that stupid golf cart drives past me one more time I’m gonna hop on.” I never saw him again. I also thought of just lying down on a bench and never getting up again. Somehow, I knew that quitting wasn’t an option.

I’d have to not only keep exercising to strengthen my body, but I’d have to lose weight. These feet can’t take the pressure to carry this much of me for that long. I don’t know that I want to run another half even if it has a cool name like The Hippie Chick Run. I don’t know if I want to work that hard, though I know how great I’ll feel when I’ve done it. Well, a few days after I’ve done it, that is.

I haven’t come to any conclusions here. Maybe I need to go read a blog about how to stop procrastinating and then I can make some goals to move in that direction!

Ugh. Frustration.