I’ve sat here for awhile wondering what to write. I haven’t much to say…and yet, I do.

*early Friday morning my nephew was in a car wreck that has left him brain damaged. The doctors aren’t sure of exactly what his recovery will look like. Outside of a miracle, Levi will need full care. (Picture removed at request of other family.)

Dear God,

You promise many things. Your word says that you faithful to complete the work you’ve begun in us and that your plans are good. Paul said that ALL things work together for the good of those who love you and are called according to your purpose. I love you and I’m called, right? James tells us to consider it pure joy when we face trials and tribulations. Pure joy? You promise to supply all our needs. You know all my needs. You know how much gas costs, how many lightbulbs I need, how much the plumber would be, and you even knew that my camera would break. You provide for all of those things.

Do you remember how you parted the Red Sea or how the wall of Jericho came tumbling down? I’ve read the stories of such great things. The sun stood still for an hour during a battle once. Those are all small things, right? Hannah pleaded with you to have a child and if You would give her one she’d give him to Your service once he was weaned. Samuel heard you as a young boy and served you all his days.

Remember your servant Abraham? The old guy that you promised a son to then told him to sacrifice that same son. He was going to do it, but you provided a ram for him instead.

Jesus, how many people did you raise from the dead when you walked this earth? The little girl and Lazarus were a couple. You made the blind to see and the lame to walk. You cast out legion into the swine. You do amazing things.

Is it too much to ask for my nephew? I don’t know what I can bring you. I don’t know what to say or how to pray. I believe You are good and I believe you still do miracles. I also believe that sometimes we don’t see the miracles. I want to see this one. I want to be part of this one. Not for me, but for my nephew and for the lives of my family.

This is my youngest nephew. He’s the first baby that grabbed hold of my heart strings. I remember holding him when he was newborn and wondering how it was possible for a baby to be so little. I was afraid to hold him. I was 15 and I was such a proud auntie. I was an auntie before, but I was only 4 and 6 when the others were born. We grew up more like siblings…that is to say, that I was a mean big sister who made up all the rules. I was different with Levi. I’d give him the world. He used to come over all the time when he was young and his mama worked. We’d go camping, that’s how we discovered he is allergic to wool. Poor kid spent a weekend coughing due to the wool blankets, but darn it, he was warm.

We’ve grown apart in the past few years. There was a lot of hurt and brokenness in my family and we didn’t know how to move past it very well. And now here we are all sitting in the waiting room at OHSU laughing and crying and having some awkward moments.

Healing. Complete physical healing. That’s what I’m asking of You, but that’s not all. I’m asking for heart healing, whatever that looks like. Yes, I am well aware that I don’t really know what that looks like or how hard that will be, but I do know this. I know that my eldest son recently lamented the fact that he does not have a good godly family inheritance. It starts with me and with him and with the rest of the people in this family. It is time for healing. It is past time for such a thing so let’s get on with it already.

So Father, in your mercy and kindness, I ask for all this healing. I believe you can do it. Please do. Just imagine how You will be glorified.

This is my heart. I don’t know how to pray the right way or the beautiful way. I only know my way.

I love you.