I don’t really know why I’ve just posted this picture. It’s 2 years old. Only Christopher looks happy. I’m wondering if my camera is going to just roll down the hill. I made Christopher run down, push the button, then run back up the hill. That would’ve been a great time for a remote, eh?

It’s time to do a family shoot again. I think that’s where we pretend that we like to be together. Sometimes we do. Christopher and Ireland are the only ones in our family that have fun with the camera. The rest of us do stupid things or scowl. Maybe we need more practice.

Practice. I need more practice at everything. I’m learning to use this new camera I borrowed and I can’t seem to get it to focus properly. Hello? Do I even know how to take pictures? I constantly think of how to practice the presence of God. I read a book about that years ago and it changed the way I live. Every week I’m given assignments by the family therapist. I have to practice empathy. I have to practice NOT being sarcastic. (I’m getting better at that.) I have to practice praising her. Some days it’s harder. Today was easy.

Edit: The previous “today” actually means yesterday. I just got too tired to continue writing! 

Everyday is tiring for me, but that doesn’t mean it was bad. In fact, it’s the good days that are often the hardest. It means I’ve practiced my therapeutic parenting skills. I’ve remembered to praise and use a calm voice and face even though I don’t feel like it. Although I just watched a video that talked about “sparkly bits”. (I didn’t bookmark the video, darn it.) The point of the speaker is that we know when someone is pretending to like us. Their mouths may say one thing, but their “sparkly bits” say another. You know what I mean, right? Like when you’re standing around with your girlfriends and he one “friend” that none of you like comes up to your group. You all smile and act interested, but if you look closely you’ll see that she knows she’s unliked. So, change your thoughts before she gets there. I guess that means I’m constantly speaking truth in my head as well as outside of it.

Anyway, the point is that all of my days are tiring. At least at the end of some of them I feel wildly successful. Don’t let that fool you, that doesn’t mean that doors didn’t get slammed or that I didn’t cry. Or yell. Or give myself a time out.

Have I mentioned that in 9 days I’ll be at a retreat in Canada? I’m pretty sure I have. I think I’m excited about it. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. It’s work. I have details to figure out. Sage has a boyscout trip that weekend. I have 2 days I need childcare for 2 younger kids. I have a dog who need to be taken care of. My teen is staying with his dad, but I need to see how long that is.

I am a procrastinator. I hate that. But see, even writing that makes me want to take a nap and make the changes later. For real.