“Mommy, will you please play Little People with me?” Her sweet little voice asks me as I’m trying to put our home back together after my weeks of being sick.

I want to say no. I’m not good at playing. I’m really good at games and reading and snuggling. Yet, I remember how my fondest memories are when my dad played with me. He didn’t do that often, but I treasure the times he did it. I remember playing Monopoly with him. I probably cheated. I also remember him playing remote control cars with me. That was my favorite. I don’t remember any other adult playing with me. Oh wait, my dad’s best friend’s wife taught me how to play solitaire and a couple of other card games. The men would talk while the old woman and the little girl played card games. 

I play, of course, because I love her and I know these days are fleeting. She is my youngest. Soon she will be 16 like my big boy and I will wonder where the years have gone. She will come in after a rough week and I may not know what to say to her. I hope that by the time she is that age I will know what to do. Christopher gets a lot of blank scares because all I can think it, “Do I say something? Do I not? What do I say? Does he just need to talk? Does he need me to talk?” 

So anyway, we play and Sage joins us. We’re playing with toddler toys. Does my 11 year old son realize that? But then I remember that in so many ways he is a young toddler. He was 4 when he came to me. He didn’t come with his own toys, he entered a world where cool boy toys already lived. I didn’t realize early on how important it was for him to have his very own legos or whatnot. I just thought, “Ok. We’re family and we share.” Ah, I’ve learned so much in these years, but yet still not enough I’m sure. 

We are going to OMSI tomorrow. Our membership runs out this month and we have 10 Omnimax tickets to use. I told them we might have to watch 2 movies tomorrow since we won’t be able to go up again before the membership expires. Someone asked, “Can we go play and do the fun stuff all over? Can we see the submarine?” We may tour the submarine and only do one movie. I’m just not sure I want to be on a submarine. It’s so…well, closed in.

We may walk through Saturday market, too. They’d love that. I plan on making our lunches and having a picnic somewhere. 

Anyway, I’m up late cooking my sprouted garbanzo beans so I can make hummus. I made refried beans and have started my kombucha. This day has been long, but quite productive. I am starting to feel like a real person again. 

I am also feeling tired. I hope I sleep in! 

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