Let’s be honest here. This blog every day in May thing has really turned into “blog more often than not”. I’m really okay with that, but from here on out I’ll feel a little silly knowing that I didn’t actually blog every day.

Today’s writing assignment is to write about our real life struggles. I could write about my kids. I could write about keeping my kitchen clean. I could even write about things that I’ve had to mull over in order bring peace to my heart. However, all of those things are secondary to this one.

Well, this won’t come as any surprise to anyone who has eyes. I struggle with with my weight. I have for a very long time.

Actually, let me rephrase that: I have struggled with my weight. 

I’m so done with the struggle. Really. I am so done.

I am not destined to be fat. I don’t have to hide behind my weight any more. I am safe and I can’t really hide anyway. What was I trying to save myself from? And why did I allow it to hold me down? All I know is that during prayer with some friends I was asking God what He would give me if I gave him the burdens I was carrying. I had a picture of myself standing next to Him, but I couldn’t figure out what He had given me. I remember thinking, “Why do I look so tall? He’s not going to make me grow taller.” pause pause pause….”Oh, I’m not fat anymore.” Right then, it was done.

Have I dropped all the weight since then? Nope. Here’s the thing, I have to walk in the fulfillment of that promise and I have to do it because it’s truth. Where there’s truth, there is freedom. You hear that? FREEDOM.

I want to be free. Don’t we all want to be free? I want to really live. I don’t want anything to hold me back!

As a believer in a living God who came to make all things new, to give us freedom in Him, and heal our hearts I can’t continue to allow this world to tie me down. I’m watching my children grow and as I watch I can see the generations of burdens slowly attaching themselves to my children. I can’t stand idly by and allow that.

I want something different for my kids than a life of addictions, jail time, and broken families. I’m about to start watching my friend’s children graduate, get married, have an amazing family and I have a hard time believing for those things for my kids. Mostly because none of us have ever had that in our family.

Oh boy, this is going somewhere else and it’s nearly midnight and I’m getting up early to do Zumba at 6 a.m.

I have been reticent to share of this struggle on my blog because I’ve done it so many times before.

I am choosing to walk in the truth that I’ve been given. I will not hide my beauty and I will not fear. I am brave and strong.

I’m going to share a video that I came across today. This young man, Zach Sobiech was barely 18 when he died today. He was diagnosed with osteosarcoma 4 years ago. He decided to live, not live like he was dying, but to simply live life to the fullest. So he did.

This is his song that he wrote, many people contributed to this video as a fun surprise him.

I’m going to try to get my kids up early enough to watch a 23 minute documentary about him before they go to school tomorrow.