“You are coming into a season where you are joyfully going to take responsibility for your blessing. You’re going to seek it, you’re going to go after it, you’re going to explore it, you’re going to discover it and you’re going to take steps of possession to take hold of it. Your inheritance is coming to you in Christ Jesus.”

My friend texted that to me the other day. It’s was a facebook status from Graham Cooke.

I have a vision of what I’d like my life to be. I used to imagine great things, but they were just useless dreams, right? I don’t come from a family of dreamers and achievers. My goals as a kid were to graduate without having a baby and to not have that baby until after I was married. I accomplished those things, but then what? I was operating in the mindset that I’ll do better than the rest of the girls in the family to make my daddy proud, but then what? He was proud and I was without goals.

I’m going to be 40 this year. I’ve spent much of my life trying to be just good enough. I don’t want that anymore. I want to live an extraordinary life story. I want to really fly like the eagles,  not be stuck pecking the ground like a chicken.

Many have come to me telling me that I’m a warrior or telling me of  a vision they’ve had of me. I wasn’t carrying the weight of another person on this body. Even in one of my healing prayer sessions I saw that God was giving me a gift of health. My excess weight is no longer needed to protect me from the hurts of the past. I am free. Yet, I wasn’t losing the weight. I thought it would be easy after that.

I was talking with my friend, Michelle, about that. She said many things that day, but the thing that stood out is, “Make your outside match your inside.”

That made me think about who I am? Who does God say I am? Who is the woman I want to become?

set up

These days you’ll find me toting an orange purse I recently bought because it caught my eye & cried out to me. I almost didn’t buy it because I wanted to be practical, but then I decided that I wanted to be surrounded by things that make my heart sing. My purse is like a little pocket of joy reminding me of who I am when the harshness of this life blinds me. You’ll also find me hitting the gym each morning and fitting in a couple of shorter workouts throughout the day. I’ve recently made it a priority to read books. I love to read. I also enjoy writing a lot. Both of those things have been pushed to the side, but I’m realizing that when I make them a  priority the rest of my life actually feels more manageable. I was going to say balanced, but I’m beginning to think that being balanced is a myth and maybe we’re not meant to be.

My biggest challenge is transforming my body into the best version of me. I’ve been discouraged because I’ve walked this road before and never made it to my destination. I’ve allowed myself to beat me up about that. Yet, there’s this verse I have posted on my wall that says, “…whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things. – Philippian 4:8”

I spend a lot of time talking to myself. Today I was working out and I started thinking, “This is too hard. I am too heavy for this. My shoulders are tired. I can’t go on.” Then I quickly changed it to, “This IS hard. I’ve done this before. I was able to do more than this. I can do it again. I am strong. I am getting stronger. It’s okay to cry.” I think I even let out a little whimper then. I really thought I was going to cry, but I couldn’t figure out what that would accomplish so I didn’t.

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to live a life of  limitations. If it’s true that nothing is impossible with God and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, then that’s the life I want. The Bible says that God gives us the desires of our hearts. I don’t think that means He gives us what we want just because we want it. I think it means that He puts desire in our hearts. Then we pray for it and work toward it and seek Him in it.

I also want my kids to be dreamers. I don’t want them to play the game of being just good enough. I don’t want them to think, “Well, at least I don’t….or at least I…..” you can fill in the blank. I want them to have a dream and go after it. I want them to love Jesus and have good relationships around them. I want them to have healed hearts and transformed lives.

I want the impossible things. I want my life to tell the story of how the Lord did impossible, crazy, and amazing things in my life. So, I’ll fight for it. I’ll go after it. On those days that I think what I do won’t matter I’ll ask to be reminded of people who obeyed the Lord and changed His Kingdom. I will choose it with joy. A joy that may involve a lot of sad tears because really, this life is hard and fighting battles all day long make me weary.

Still, I will choose Jesus.

Still, I will choose to exercise though my body feels frail, I know i am getting stronger. My first week back at working out was hard. The second week was better, but I was discouraged. The third week was much better. I can see progress in my strength. I didn’t see myself getting stronger. I saw myself struggling. Then one day I noticed I was stronger than before. 25

Let me ask you some questions? Who are you? Who does the Father say you are? Are you walking in that? What are you doing to be who you are called to be? What is He speaking to you these days?