I’ve waited all day to write today’s post. I had it in my head, but what was there is lost. So, it’s like starting all over.
I’ve actually put it off because I didn’t know if I would be able write it well enough. I’ve been blogging from my phone and I’m weary of all the typos. Also, because I have waited all day my mind and emotions are all jumbled. Doubts swirl around in the dark corners of my mind. I lie here thinking of my future and can’t seem to get it quite figured out. Now, in the final hour I force myself to write.
That’s not a title I thought I’d ever hold. Yet, several years ago I began to know myself. I took 3 years to hand sew a quilt. I would be going along beautifully when I’d make some sort of mistake. So, I’d put it away because I was so frustrated. “Take that, you dumb quilt! If I can’t do it right, I won’t do it at all!”
I could name countless things I’ve avoided because I wanted them done well. I’ve told a friend that I only do things I’m really good at. I do very little these days and my standards have changed. I expect that because I think I’m smart then I should learn things super fast. Well, I was trying to learn a rhythm a few months back and I was SO angry over the fact that it was taking me more than a few tries to learn it. (I still don’t know it.)
I’ve kept myself fat because I can’t get fit, perfectly. I didn’t blog for months because I didn’t think that what I had to say would be eloquent or impactful. I guess I don’t get to be the judge of either of those characteristics.
(I’m falling asleep while typing this. I just opened my eyes to a sentence about King Lear.)
So, I’m here to tell you that if you put things off until you can do it perfectly then it will never be done.
What does perfectionism keep you from? Won’t you journey with me?
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