It is the evening of the first day of 2016.
My heart feels raw, open, vulnerable. Here’s the strange thing. I like it. It also feels good. I’ve never experienced this before.
New Year’s Eve celebration started with me dropping my kids off with a friend in McMinnville. It was 4 pm and I found myself to be tired already. I had plans with Lennox. I’ll be honest, I almost called him and told him I just wanted to be alone. You know why I didn’t? Because he knows me too well. I also know me well enough to know it was a lie. I was hungry. I had neglected to care for myself that day. So, I was crabby and reclusive. Once I downed some green curry and tofu pad thai, I was good to go!
First came the cleansing. Several months ago I felt like the Lord told me to burn my journals. It made sense to me. I knew, even back in May, that my life was changing. I was leaving behind the sorrow and looking expectantly to whatever was in store for me. I knew I would cry. I thought it would be because I’d feel loss. That wasn’t true at all. My tears were cleansing tears. Yes, I read things that were sad. I even sobbed at one entry. I let go of things I didn’t know I had held on to.
We greeting the New Year with prayer and worship then I went home.
Now, it’s January 1. It’s a shiny new year. We meet up again to chart out some goals. I make a bubble chart, except with rectangles because bubbles are messy. These are not resolutions. We use resolutions like paper plates; we throw them away. This is me creating the life I want to live. This is me deciding which path to forge instead of lollygagging about or just going with the flow. I’ve done that, it doesn’t work.
I haven’t been good about updating this blog. I haven’t said before that I’m getting married in May. I’m marrying my long time best friend, Lennox Fleary. It’s an incredible love story. One day I’ll share more of it.
For now, I’ll sign off. It’s been a good start to a great year!