Today I told 2 of my friends in Bible study that I was going to post a blog tonight. I’ve been feeling the urge to write for months now. I filled a page in my planner all about blog subjects. In November I wanted to blog about how much I loved Thanksgiving. Then in December I wanted to write about how good things were and how grateful I am. I had the idea of doing an overview post on the last day of the year.

In January I kept thinking of how I would start all fresh and new. But I didn’t. By February I had no such thoughts. Why bother?

The truth is that I love to write. My heart opens. I listen to piano music and the words flow. My defenses slowly fall away. Therein lies my reason for not writing. I simply didn’t want to share myself.

I’ve cried a lot in these last few months. The heartache of the miscarriage in September is sometimes too much to bear. (You can read about that here, if you’re so inclined.)

I remember one Friday in particular. I sat at table with 3 of my pregnant friends. Seemed to me that on this particular day we talked more about babies and pregnancy than any other. Two of my friends at that table were among the first to know of my miscarriage. I told them to not avoid talking about pregnancy related things. This is our life. I want to experience and take joy in all of it. This day it stung. Later in the day I cried as I prepped a chicken for baking. I texted friends and told them I hurt. They wrote that they also think of my baby. It helps me to know that.

The due date for this baby I no longer carry is drawing closer. I feel the weight of it in my heart while my friends feel the weight of their babies in their bodies. I will be at 2 births this month. I’m so honored to have that privilege. I love everything about babies and labour, but it will sting a little. Maybe a lot. In either case, I am grateful for close friends that carry this with me. We don’t even need to talk about it, but I know it’s okay if I do and it’s okay if I don’t.

I didn’t mean for this post to also be about loss and sadness. There’s SO much more that’s been happening, too.

In January I was offered a position at Lutheran Community Services in McMinnville as the assistant of the Safe Families For Children program. I’m sure I’ll write more on how that all came about at a later time. Like every God story, it’s an incredible one. I’ve been there 6 weeks now and I love it. It’s stretching me and causing me to grow in many ways. When I feel like I am not enough for this job I remember how God so clearly set this in my lap.

Ireland has become quite the athlete and that keeps us busy. She did school volleyball and basketball. Next Monday she starts track. All this while doing club volleyball, as well. She’s played 2 tournaments in Vancouver and have a couple more to go before club volleyball is over. I can’t tell you how much fun it has been! I told some of her friends today that I had no idea that I’d be “that” mom. You know the one, right? The one that yells from the sidelines. Yep, that’s me. One of her friends came into my office, hugged me, and turned to the other girls saying, “She’s my biggest fan.” Yep, she’s right. I yell all kinds of encouragement to them. They tease me, but I can see that they love it.

Ireland is so focused on the court. I had a couple of videos from her last game for Lennox to see since he was out of town last week. It was so fun to watch her zipping around the basketball court. She’s so fast. I had no idea she was so fast. Now, let’s see what she can do in track.

It’s late now. Time for me to wind down and go to bed.



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